The Night Before Virtual Christmas

[jerryctx]

The following was submitted to the Security-Basics mailing list by Mike Curry

... I humbly submit the following security-related adaptation of "The Night Before Christmas" (original author unknown).

JUST WAIT 'TIL NEXT YEAR!

'Twas the year before Christmas, and all through the land
The tape drives were whirring with computer thefts grand.
Though the codes and the passwords were prepared with great care,
The embezzlers and felons popped up everywhere.

While bankers and executives were snug in their beds
And visions of profits danced in their heads,
Computers and terminals and DP machines
Were covertly used for criminal means.

Commercial Trust in New Jersey received such a clatter
When a keypunch mistake made a bank account fatter.
One-tenth of a million was lost in a flash
And a simple coin dealer had that much more cash.

In Flushing, a student who knew some DP
Awarded himself a Phi Beta key.
His grades were altered so lively and quick
That his peers were amazed and the faculty sick.

Two agents in Bridgeport for the U.S. DEA
Discovered that selling drug data would pay.
An IBM mainframe was used for the crime,
And they managed to profit for quite a long time.

In Toronto, an Amdahl was used for abuse
As students put CRT screens to misuse.
And Hawthorne, California, saw funds fade away
When a Honeywell system took part in foul play.

Even NASA had its share of computer-crime men,
Stolen DP directories and breached PDP-10's.
And who can forget the Belmont affair,
When programmer and cash were suddenly not there.

In L.A., the UCB staff had a fright
When one million dollars was lost overnight.
And Security Pacific had its day to rue
When a clever programmer took ten million-two.

Now congressmen, now senators and banks of the nation,
All struggle to enact preventative legislation.
And Abraham Ribicoff is getting his licks.
While sponsoring Senate Bill Seventeen-Sixty-and-Six.

Today, for computers with data encryption,
Total security is nothing but fiction.
And computer criminals and crooks continue to jeer,
"If we didn't get you this time, just wait 'til next year!"

[mawil]

Very good.

[CrashDummy]

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

Page Maker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To [email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]>
Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.

All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.
After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,

With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way
From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.

The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label. And don't you be late,
From now on Christmas runs only on Win98.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,
It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist

Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.
Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"

And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whir and the hum of our satellite platter,
As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.

As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.
And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voices so bright,
Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.

[fink]

Yea, that is well done! LOL
kudos to Mike Curry (who/wherever he may be) for finding that one.