Anyone heard any new jokes lately?

[poppy4]

"Jener Witz war furchtbar. Und es ist deutsch übrigens. Nicht 'German'."

Huh?

From Babel Fish Translation:
"That joke was terrible. And it German by the way is. Not ' German '."

[lgbpop]

No harm done, it was just a Chevy.

[buf]

Sister Anna Banana and Sister Fantasia were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer.

The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it.

The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

The cashier without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."

[imadreamer2]

A police officer was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about,
he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could
look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape,
The kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was
The sentence.

"Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

[Crimson Blonde]

Owie!!!

[JPnyc]

Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing
> > surgeries they had performed.
> >
> > One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite
case, a
concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8
months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
> >
> > The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and
both
legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold
medal in
track and field events in the Olympics."
> >
> > The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a
woman
was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train
traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's
blonde
hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a
senator from New York.

[Crimson Blonde]

Rofl!!


Too funny JP

[BIG JOHN]

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up and stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma; you're looking good! How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson... "They won't let me fart.

[Tsaphah]

No harm done, it was just a Chevy.

My other half says..HA..HA..HA !!! F.O.R.D. = found on raod dead and /or first on race day ..to break down !!!!!!
I tought her wel !!!! ;0P
BUT !!! I did name her "mustang sally" she couldn't slow that mustang down...THAT is the gospel truth !!!!Loved that car, I did !!

[Tsaphah]

Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing
> > surgeries they had performed.
> >
> > One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite
case, a
concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8
months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
> >
> > The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and
both
legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold
medal in
track and field events in the Olympics."
> >
> > The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a
woman
was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train
traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's
blonde
hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a
senator from New York.

Your tooooo kind !!!!

[GetaGrrrip]

In most of the northern states, there is a policy of checking on any
stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop down to the
single digits or below. About 3 a.m. one very cold morning in March
2004, a state police officer responded to a call: there was a car off
the shoulder of the road on the outskirts of Casper. He located the
car, stuck in deep snow and with the engine still running. Pulling in
behind the car with his emergency lights on, the officer walked to the
driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a
nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.

The driver awakened when the officer tapped on the window. Seeing
the rotating lights in his rear view mirror and the state policeman standing next to his car, the man panicked, jerked the gearshift into "drive" and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning. The policeman, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding, but still stationary car. The driver was totally freaked thinking the officer was actually keeping up with him.

This goes on for about 30 seconds when the patrolman yelled at the man
ordering him to "pull over!" the man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the
engine.

Needless to say, the man from Casper was arrested and is probably
still shaking his head over the state patrolman who could run 50 miles per hour.

Who says policemen don't have a sense of humor?

[GetaGrrrip]

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her
husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."
he husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."




He never heard the shot....

[GetaGrrrip]

Click here

[lgbpop]

I want a job like yours!

[GetaGrrrip]

I'm just so glad I've got some goof off time...sure haven't had any in months.
So to you