Yes it's friday night bozy and girls and you know what that means?

Yes it's another friday and another look into the zany mind of me and 'monster'( I have nothing to do with him..btw)

Yes! dual brains without an emmy! (no we don't have no stinkin banjo music!?..) No boundary will not be encountered nor surpassed within the enevitable realm of infinity! Where no man ever wanted to go before! (or thought about it..except maybe prophet and a few other jugheads urrah!) newbies could grab some tp and or hit the john if the kb cord is long enough. (monster says sorry john.. don't forget to put the lid down! )

think you over did the script monsto man..

ITS Reality! yes you worst nightmare baby!

ITS THE MACH2 SHOW

Okay.. tonight is like always (does the word unpredictable strike a note of predictability?) Same forum rules apply, red bug/ chiggers and panyhose are optionalble

Tonights show is about . (clang.. thump. sparks, damned thing won't work.. silence/lights out) yes dear What was that I dunno? "maybe it's a fuse?

Your worst driving experience.. or you fly it.

:D Mach.....

Yo MACH2, good to see ya..... crazy night....we got SNOW in VA.

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, "I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did you feel about that?'"
The new priest says those things, trying them out.
The old priest says,

"Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and going 'no ****?! what happened next?'"

common tally vu.. pertre quis vadis? damned I must know some other language.. LOL

murf you old dog! (he is old.. so am I..) :D

Hi MACH2 & Murf--

OR:

"Oh, jeez, Man----I don't believe I would've told That!"

SM

Quote:

---

Your worst driving experience

---

Well, not my worst but weird.
I picked up this good looking woman hitching a ride.
We small talked and I asked what she does.
She says I'm a witch.
I said prove it and "Whooosh" I turned into a motel.:rolleyes:

I usually only date homeless women. Why??
Because I can drop them off anywhere.:cool:

I cooked dinner, thought you might like some:

Spaceman's World Famous and Universally Sought After Texas Red Chili Con Carne Recipe.

INGREDIENTS:

2 lbs. lean ground round beef (weasel or rattlesnake may be subsitituted)
One 8 oz. can Pinto Beans. Undrained. ( 48 oz. undrained garbonzo beans optional)
Two- 4 oz. or One- 8 oz. or 16- 1/2 oz cans of Tomato Sauce (preferably made from ripe, red tomates grown in the sandy loam soil near Tahoka, Texas)
One medium to large yellow onion. Minced. (3 small microwaved artichokes, if preferred)
One package Lawry's Chili Mix Spices and Spice Girls
One 12 oz., 12 Step, N/A can of Beer (or whatever is handy...it goes in the chili--not in the cook)
One teaspoon of each: salt, pepper
Two teaspoons of each: sugar, Jalapeno juice, powdered Armadillo scales
1/2 minced, pickled Jalapeno or 400 dried Thai peppers (species name: Capsicum annuum var Linne')
One minced, average-sized, ripe tomato of average IQ
2/3 cup of black coffee---shaken not stirred
Two tablespoons cooking oil, or hog lard, or 20-40W Pennzoil
50 gallons of ice-cold Evian' water....not for the chili. It's for the cook after tasting the Thai peppers to prevent a heart attack, tongue transplant, and complete lung collapse. The cook should drink 40 gallons and be immersed in 10 gallons for best results.


COOKING INSTRUCTIONS:

Brown or incinerate the meat in the cooking oil...hopefully within the confines of a skillet.
Lovingly, add the remainder of the ingredients and simmer for the rest of your life or for
approximately 2 hours or whichever comes first.

Serves 4 very large adults or one very hungry 9 year old boy.

ENJOY!!

Ok since we are on the subject of chili here is one I suspect some of you haven't read yet:

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas
from the East Coast:
"Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in
Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do
it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the
beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native
Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me
I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the
scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint
from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope
that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed
to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me
the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they
saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been
snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the
back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. 'm getting
*****-faced.

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO:
Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild
foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste
it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300
lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef;
could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong
statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and
four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when
I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue
from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really
****es me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those
rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and
peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric
flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that **** Sally. I
need to wipe my a$$ with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE
TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers
at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He
appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't
feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like ***** to match my
damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any
oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole
in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not
too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot.
Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell
and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make
it. Poor Yank.
FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to give information)

Hehe, that's good one Big John.

A bit of trivia: We've all heard the expression " Sleep Tight" the origin of the expression came from the act of tightening the ropes beneath the mattress of one's bed. Comes from the the 18th century. ;)

. . . anybody out there?

Meanings and origins of . . . these sayings?

1. lock, stock, and barrel?

2. kit and kabootle?

3. the whole nine yards?

4. FUBAR?

http://www.beermachine.com/gifs/ani-pouring.gif

https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im.../2003/01/2.gif

kit and kabootle


Lock, Stock, and Barrel
This phrase, meaning completely or thoroughly, is another phrase referring to firearms. In this case, it refers to the three major parts of a musket, the firing mechanism or lock, the stock which rests against the shoulder, and the "barrel." Like lock and load, the phrase was originally reversed, first appearing in an 1817 work by Sir Walter Scott as stock, lock, and barrel. The current sequence dates to 1842.
This sense of lock first appears in 1547 in the combination form firelock. The term probably derives from the resemblance to a lock on a door. German has similar usage for the term, the word schloss referring to both a door lock and the firing mechanism of a gun.

The word stock has several senses referring to blocks of wood used for various purposes. In 1346 the word was used to refer to the wooden cross bar of a ship's anchor. In 1474 it was used to refer to the block of wood from which a bell is hung. And in 1541 it was first used in the firearm's sense.

This sense of barrel relates to the cylindrical nature of the part. The word was first used in 1648 to refer to the metal tube of a gun


the whole nine yards for a start

For fubar, you can start here.

A couple links,

http://www.quinion.com/words/qa/qa-loc1.htm

http://www.quinion.com/words/qa/qa-who2.htm

http://www.quinion.com/words/articles/nineyards.htm

http://www.worldwidewords.org/articles/acronyms.htm

Fubar F***ed up beyond all recoginition

I thought I'd try my had at this, so I went the whole nine yards to look up links so that I could post the whole kit and koboodle about them so here's my try lock, stock and barrel at adding to this neat show. Now I have fubared it.

Edit
Just another SNAFU. (Situation Norma, All F***ed UP)

In the 16th and 17th centuries, before commercial fertilizer was
invented, large shipments of manure were transported by ship. It was shipped in dry bundles because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet.

But once water hit it at sea, it not only became heavier, but fermentation began, and a by-product produced was methane gas. It wasn't long for methane to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before somebody figured out what was happening.

Once they determined the role that manure played in the explosions, shippers began stamping the bundles with the term "Ship High In Transit," that the sailors would know to stow it high enough off the lower decks that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus the term "S.H.I.T," came down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.

Damn I always thought it was a GOLF TERM.

If it wasn't for my Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

I'd look at this page..

here

This may sound funny to some, but it's almost 30 degrees F.
here right now. Hey, that's why I live here. 2 weeks winter.

This is an easy one:
When does temperature of centigrade equal fahrenheit?

https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im.../2003/01/1.gif

-40C = -40F