Anyone heard any new jokes lately?

"The Body Builder"
A body builder picks up a blonde at a bar and takes her home with him.
He takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you
have."
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He
takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have."


The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He then

removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment
screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He
catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I

saw how short the fuse was."

**********************************************************
And who said blondes are dumb? : )

Today President George W. Bush solved the bird flu pandemic before it started. He
>

>>


>>>


>>>>

Bombed the Canary Islands.

The old Cow...

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road in
Upstate NY one evening when an old cow walked in front of the car. The
driver tried to avoid it but couldn't. The old cow was hit and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray and his face was smeared with lipstick. He was holding a
half empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand and an expensive Cuban cigar
in the other. He was smiling happily from cheek to cheek.

"What happened?" asked Hillary.

"Well," the driver replied, "The farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me
the wine and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied: "I said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver, and I just killed the old cow......... things kind'a got confused after that."

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Cheesy one.....

A police station had it's toilets stolen earlier today, police said they have nothing to go on.......:D (You were warned about the cheese)


Liam

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by liam858

Cheesy one.....

A police station had it's toilets stolen earlier today, police said they have nothing to go on.......:D (You were warned about the cheese)


Liam

---

GROAN!!!!!

;) :D

Stress management technique

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world,"

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. Bubbles slowly float to the surface creating a gentle gurgling sound.

7. The water is crystal clear.

8. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

:D :eek: :D

Guess this will fit in pretty good about here---huh poppy!!

The Sensitive Redneck

Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

Got time for 1 more:

Today President George W. Bush solved the bird flu pandemic before it started. He
>

>>


>>>


>>>>

Bombed the Canary Islands.

Hey Buf - I think you have some of the same friends as I do - I received those today, too :)

Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the
church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Henry, a new

member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked

in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Henry and several others that everyone

seeing it there would know what he was doing.

Henry, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just

turned and walked away.

He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that
evening, Henry quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's
house...walked home....and left it there all night.

You gotta love Henry

Today Is National Mental Health Day!



You can do your part by remembering to send an email
to an unstable friend.




(Well...my job's done!)

**********************************************************
I have to admit, I had a good time sending that one out ;)

GetaGrrrip, if we are sharing friends, then you must be in pretty good company. Glad to know ya.

Thanks Buf :)

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease,your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Oh, how true. :)

Quote:

---

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

---

I like that one.

My personal favorite -


Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am. While his coffeepot ( MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor ( MADE IN HONG KONG ). He put on a dress shirt ( MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans ( MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes ( MADE IN KOREA ). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet ( MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator ( MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch ( MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio ( MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car ( MADE IN GERMANY ) (filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN J O B . At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia ), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals ( MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine ( MADE IN FRANCE ) and turned on his TV ( MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in A M E R I C A.

That's too true to be funny.

Although when you see Joe, I do have a suggestion for him. Start an import business.

THIS ONE IS VERY FUNNY:

THE COUNTRY MINISTER

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeraldirector to hold
a grave-side
service for a homeless man, with no family or
friends, who had died while
traveling through the area. The funeral was to be
held at a cemetery way back
in the country, and this man would be the first to
be laid to rest there. As
I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I
became lost; and being a
typical man did not stop for directions. I finally
arrived an hour late. I saw
the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but
the hearse was nowhere in
sight. I apologized to the workers for my
tardiness, and stepped to the side
of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid
already in place. I assured the
workers I would not hold them long, but this was
the proper thing to do. The
workers gathered around, still eating their lunch!
I poured out my heart
and soul.


As I preached the workers began to say "Amen,"
"Praise the Lord," and
"Glory," I preached, and I preached, like I'd never
preached before:
from Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed
the lengthy service with a
prayer and walked to my car. I felt I had done my
duty for the homeless man
and that the crew would leave with a renewed sense
of purpose and dedication,
in spite of my tardiness.


As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I
overheard one of the
workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen
anything like this before .
. . and I've been putting in septic tanks for
twenty years."

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a drink, they talk
about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar? The
woman shakes her head no.

Kin ya breathe? The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his
tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his
table.

His partner says,Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver, but I ain't never seed nobody do it! :D

Good one stewart, im merging this & your other one into the big joke thread we have going, keeps things a little neater. BJ

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:



COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT



ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"...........

PARENT - Job Description

If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa





JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an,
often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable
hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour
shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments
in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier
duties also required.



RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must
handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the
best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product! Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.



POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you!



PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.



WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college
will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give
them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.



BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for
everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are
appreciated

buf has to ask: Is CRAWFORD in South Texas?? Now read the joke!!

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through
life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college
and sign up for some classes."



Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.



The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who
signs him up for the four basic classes: math, English, history, and logic.



"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"



The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed eater?"



"Yeah."



"Then logically because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a
yard."



"That's true, I do have a yard."



"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that
you would have a house."



"Yes, I do have a house."



"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."



"I have a family."



"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a
wife."



"Yes, I do have a wife."



"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual."



"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that
because I have a weed eater."



Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet
Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for math,
English, history, and logic.



"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"



Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed eater?"



"No."



"Then you're a *****."

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer.

Bartender looks at him and says "I'm sorry, I can't serve your kind."

Mushroom looks at him and says, "why not, I'm a fungi!"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by coops

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer.

Bartender looks at him and says "I'm sorry, I can't serve your kind."

Mushroom looks at him and says, "why not, I'm a fungi!"

---

no,no,no,no!
thats just bad! :p

yes John it is bad :rolleyes:
but it is one of my wife's favourites so i hear it quite often.

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run
Over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is
Cut And bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little turd, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,
He Must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
Lickin he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have
Something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
It was, but useless in a fight."



*************************************************************************
*********************************

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the
City one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the
Road.

A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
This Evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
Across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
Your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought
I'd Gone deaf."



*************************************************************************
**********************************



Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan
Arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my
Husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident
Down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
Drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go
Quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, he got out three times to pee."




*************************************************************************
***********************************


Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service,
And she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away
Last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have
Any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask,
Mary?
"

She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'



*************************************************************************
********************************


A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth,
Sits down but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk
Continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side
Either."

Do you know why so many men from Italy are named Tony?

On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said:
TO NY.

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back garden.

The bloke goes to the backyard where he finds the black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Sure do." the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking as a

young pup and I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5 about my gift,

and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms

with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting

around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I

wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some

undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded loads of medals.

Had a wife, a few puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten quid."

The bloke says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" :)



"Cause he's a smurfing liar. He's never done ANY of that stuff ..."

A doctor?

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son.

The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

No," the woman replied. "divorce attorney". :D:D

Just to cover my butt.....this came from the youngest of my five sisters.


On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman, in particular, loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence.

Everyone has forgotten their own peril.

They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane.

He is handsome: well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.

No one moves.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps . .

He whispers . . .

"Iron this. Then get me a beer."



shotsi :)

For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for
the service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how
consultants can make a difference to an organization.



Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange.

When another waiter brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well" he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips
back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to
replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the
kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off I asked the waiter "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so
observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you-know-what we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well" he whispered, "I don't know about the others but I use the
spoon."

:eek:

germanengineeringvsarabtechnology.wmv

Oooohhh, I'd love to mail that link to al-Jazeera! :D :D

Let's try!!!

Grandma's birth control pills

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you know these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks and believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

You gotta love Grandmas.