UH OH, now I know I ain't gonna go there!! Not often that I turn down a lady; well I have been fooled before. :eek:
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UH OH, now I know I ain't gonna go there!! Not often that I turn down a lady; well I have been fooled before. :eek:
Huh..what bothered me WAS the fact a "female lawyer" got on national tv, and STATED she couldn't figure out how to vote...s/he looked like she was in her late 30's+...and a Demmy to boot...Quote:
Originally Posted by buf
Standard protacal has someone at the end of the entry..before you vote ,,,asking if you know how too, vote....Thank G-D i left floor-a-duh....
chads.isn't that what you get after our gvt. does test.. :eek:
DIEold...our gvt. supported them for many years....i know..x-safe techyyy. :D
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself.
She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer," he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you."
He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building another three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. :(
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real a**hole when you're drunk."
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
>I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
>about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
>and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
>of work and their dreams would be shattered.
>Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
>dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
>~ Jack Handy
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
>hell
>happened to your bra and panties.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
>wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
>going to feel all day. "
>~Frank Sinatra
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
>tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
>~ Henny Youngman
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
>laughing WITH you.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
>~ Stephen Wright
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
>we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit n o sin.
>When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
>get drunk and go to heaven!"
>~ Brian O'Rourke
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
>~ Benjamin Franklin
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
>retard.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Without question, the greatest invention in the
>history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
>wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
>not go nearly as well with pizza."
>~ Dave Barry
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
>over and over again that you love them.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Sa lvation in a
>can!
>~ Dave Howell
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you ca n
>logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
>One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
>to his buddy Norm.
>Here's how it went:
>
>"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
>fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the h erd is hunted, it is the
>slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
>selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
>health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
>weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
>as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
>know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
>weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
>eliminates the weaker brain cells, makin g the brain a faster and more
>efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
>beers."
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
>whispering when you are not
TAXES
Accounts Receivable Tax
ATM Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Mansion Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and
local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and nonrecurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Trailer Registration Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world and only one parent had to work to support the family.
What the hell happened?
Phone answering machine:
I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."
~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~
I LOVE THIS NEXT ONE!
Bob S
My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
And take without forgetting.
~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time
You're old enough to know your way
Around, you're not going anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
Of an answer for her first question.
~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.
~~~~~
Every morning is the dawn
of a new error.
~~~~~
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us....go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us.....pass this on.
Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what
could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my
wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when
I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you
don't know them."
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she
always walks down the drive. However, I can hear a car driving off, as
if she has gotten out of the car around the corner. Why? Maybe she
wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she
went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and
why was I checking up on her?
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep
down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out
again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the
garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole
street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my
Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be
leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the
dealer?
Thanks, Bob
Ignore
Here's one for those born in the sixties
« on: Today at 17:21:58 »
Reply with quote
Take a few minutes to try this, you may be surprised by the results.
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!
1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is fart cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat
Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on.
What's in your turkey?
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed
a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to
remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Yep..................SHE'S BLONDE
ROFL!! I love that one :D
They Say...
if you play the Windows installationCD backwards
you will hear Satanic verses,
that's nothing,
cause if you play it forwards
it installs Windows...
lmao Train :D
My question is, how do I play a window's installation cd backwards? LOL
78 RPM of course. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by imadreamer2
Nah , that is a small disk, use 45 RPM.
Put a twist in the belt!Quote:
Originally Posted by imadreamer2
My question is, how do I play a window's installation cd backwards? LOL
For those of us who golf.