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The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come.
- Peter Ustinov
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.
- Neil Gaiman
The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
- Victor Borge
Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.
- Barry Switzer
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
- Robert Orben
Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead
Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality.
- Bertrand Russell
Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts.
- Clare Booth Luce
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
- George Burns
The least of learning is done in the classrooms.
- Thomas Merton
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
- Lichty and Wagner
The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated.
- Oscar Wilde
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward.
- Jean Paul Richter
I am just going outside and may be some time.
- Captain Lawrence Oates
As I grow older , I regret to say that a detestable habit of thinking seems to be getting a hold of me.
- H. Rider Haggard
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
- Cindy Gardner
When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.
- Sir Winston Churchill
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
- Jeff Foxworthy
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.
- Barbara Tober
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.
- Henry David Thoreau
Let's do what one shepherd said to the other shepherd....get the flock outta here.
- Mel Gibson
Liam
"Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable."
- Trey Parker and Matt Stone
"Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it."
- Samuel Johnson
"Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate."
- Mark B. Cohen
The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of a low price is forgotten
There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk.
- Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.
- Mignon McLaughlin
Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
- HL Mencken
The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.
- Michael Friedman
Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
- Paul Gauguin
The journey of a thousand miles begins with just one small step----and a lot of bitching.----Anonymous
thats a good one Bistro :D
Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.
- Tallulah Bankhead
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
- Russell Baker
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.
- Buck Henry