Anyone heard any new jokes lately?

Another one from somewhere: (Don't mess with us TRUE golfers. (We can get :mad: very easily!!)

Subject: GOLF


On the 2nd tee of the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty
years ago I had a brief affair, it meant nothing. I hope you can forgive
me."

His wife was hurt, but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we
have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.

On the 17th tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife
blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you
told me of your affair. Since we're being honest with each other, I have
something to tell you also. Thirty-two years ago I had a sex change
operation, I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me"

The husband froze at the top of his back swing, and then threw a fit. He
slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed
off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his
clubs one by one, then started on hers. He screamed and ranted, "You liar!
You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my
heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies
tees!"

Some things are sacred

PS: I gotta quit coming here cause this place makes me tell stories.

I didn't know there was a difference between mens and ladies tee's..... goes to show how much I know about golf :D

:D Now you are being shy and polite to overlook the "gist" of the joke. :p Her's is closer to the green (where the "hole" is) and his is farther away from the hole
(on the green).

lmao ...... well you have me pegged ... shy and polite.... thats me :D :D

Reminder

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BIG JOHN

Please, due to some complaints, we have already had to remove some threads & replies. When you post something give it a lot of thought before you click on the submit button. If it is at all questionable in your mind it should probably not be posted. We are a family oriented site so lets keep it as clean as possible. Thanks BJ

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Found Here


Thanks everyone :)

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.

"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."

:D

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings.

One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it.

The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.

"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"

:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Crimson Blonde

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings.

One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it.

The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.

"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"

:D

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Ex-lax might be better.. :eek:

A highway patrolman pulles alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren the trooper cranked down his window,turned on his megaphone and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" The blonde yelled back, "ITS A SCARF!!"

:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Crimson Blonde

lmao ...... well you have me pegged ... shy and polite.... thats me :D :D

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ME TOOO>>

Anudder ridiculous blonde joke:

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of
genuine alligator shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.



After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the
vendors the blonde shouted, "I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I
can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price." The shopkeeper said "By all
means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and get yourself a big one."



Determined the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself
an alligator.



Later the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing
waist deep in the water. Just then he saw a huge 9 ft alligator swimming
quickly towards her. She took aim, killed the creature and with a great deal of
effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more dead
alligators.



The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator
on to its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it this one isn't wearing
shoes either!"

Very funny buf :D

Are you Male or Female???



To find the answer, look down......







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NOT HERE, DUMMY !!!!

lmao. that one got me!!

Yep, that is a sign of having gotten older :D
You looked---didn't you ;)