Hey ... hey .... hey! Not all of us can be equaled with Oblivion!
:D
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Hey ... hey .... hey! Not all of us can be equaled with Oblivion!
:D
Very well. Doom, then.https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im...2007/03/11.gif
lmao Pop ........ ok you asked for it .........https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im...2006/09/10.gif
:D
This Irish supervisor wanted to do anything to avoid hiring the Italian
> guy. So during the interview he asks:
>
> "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
>
> "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy."
> and he proceeds to draw three trees.
>
> "What's this?" the boss asks.
>
> "Eh, you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make-a
> nine," says the Italian.
>
> "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second
> question. Use the same rules, but this time the
> number is 99."
>
> The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks
> up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a
> smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."
>
> The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do
> you get that to represent 99?"
>
> "Each of da trees itsa dirty now. So, itsa dirty
> tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa 99."
>
> The boss is getting worried that he's actually going
> to have to hire this Italian, so he says,
> "All right, last question. Same rules again, but
> represent the number 100."
>
> The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks
> up the picture again and makes a little mark at the
> base of each tree and says,
> "Ere you go. One-a hundred."
>
> The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if
> you think that represents a hundred!"
> (You're going to love this one !!)
>
>
> The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at
> the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came
> along an-a he crap by each-a tree. So now youa got
> dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and
> dirty tree and a turd, dat make-a one hundred. So,
> when I start?"
****groan*****
:)
It took over a year, but that joke did it.https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im...2007/03/11.gif
Two merchants had general stores on the same street, but Guido was always busy while René was almost bankrupt. One really slow day, he visited Guido's store to check out the competition. Guido told him the secret was simple--service and marketing--but "she's hard to describe; you're welcome to watch."
Meanwhile, a man brought a bag of grass seed to the register. Guido rung it up, saying "That will be $9.95 for the grass seed and $49.95 for the lawnmower." When the man hesitated, Guido said "Signore, in three weeks you need a lawnmower, and I have them on sale now. I'll save you $20.00" to which the man agreed.
A few days later a woman entered René's store and asked for a box of sanitary napkins. René rung her up, saying "That will be $3.75 for the Kotex and $49.95 for the lawnmower." Seeing the woman's puzzled face, René told her "Eh madame, if you can't **** you might as well mow the lawn."
Jeez, I didn't even notice until now--that was post #666. Good thing I'm not superstitiohttps://discussions.virtualdr.com/im...2006/09/79.jpg
lmaooooo JP Thats bad :D
........ and Pop...... thats worse :p :D
Anyone for Hollywood Clue ?
:)
How about this one
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out....
"Pa, You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back,
"Ma, There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma, Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it ?!"
Hey imadremer2--is that what they call getting "it" caught in a crack. Funny one.
OUCH!! :D
roflmao!!!! :D
I bought two books, one on overcoming procrastinatio, the other on memery improvement...Can't remember where I put them, guess i'll look for them later.. :p
This may be old hat now but have a laugh anyway. Brought it out of hiding from somewhere and it may need to go back there :D
An Ass Story
A priest wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS
The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read:
PRIEST'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race.
The paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day the headlines read:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.
Next day the headline read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day.
lmao buf..... and oldie but a goodie :D