all I can say is OUCH! :D
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all I can say is OUCH! :D
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
on him.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im...2006/12/12.gifQuote:
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
on him.
Those are great!!!
I seem to recall reading something similar to this but it came from a woman's view so here is a man's answer (I did not post this!!)
The final two lines sum up this "writing" pretty well.
Have a great weekend!!!
At last a guy has taken the time to
write this all down Finally ,
the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side. Now here are
the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only
If you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem . See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us
1. If something we said can be interpreted
two ways and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one ..
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how
to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever
you have to say during commercials
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," W e will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it
is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want
an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear
Is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking
about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation, fishing or golf.
1 You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you
can to give them a bigger laugh.
Exactly and so true.Quote:
Originally Posted by buf
Yes...I agree..absolutely!! It's just not worth the hassle...that's why I'm single now..I like it...think I'll stay here. :)
edit to add: absolutely..heehee
What's long and hairy and hangs out of a man's pajamas?
His arm. :)
What goes in long and stiff and comes out soft and sticky?
A stick of gum. :)
:D too funny Doc
What lies on the ground and is brown and sticky.
A stick.
:D lmao Nix ;)
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde lady walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The blonde took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement & announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blond?
We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."
Bubba and Junior are currently doing government work supervising the reconstruction of the New Orleans Levees.
'tain't funny magee' :(Quote:
Originally Posted by buf
but unfortunately buf you are 'right-on'....and they will probably be elected :eek:
lmao Buf ..... thats a good one :D
You are right poppy4; that was a bad line BUT HEY, maybe the blond is supervising them!!