Anyone heard any new jokes lately?

Ok fella's....... sumit your resumes to [email protected]





:D :D

Thanks but I gotta pass. Been there--done that and STAYED. I love (d) it that much. Hope you can benefit by posting a couple of those "anticipated" resumes you may get. You don't yet know this crowd you have become so immersed in. :D ;)

lmaoooooo buf :D You are too funny ;)

Subject: The True Story of Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf
crouched down behind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf!"

The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood
sees the wolf again and this time he is
crouched behind a bush.

"My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf!"

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the road Little
Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind
a rock.

"My, what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf!"

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off? I'm trying
to poop!"

And now comes this one I just received.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the sake of her own life,
couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
(Did you notice that no mention is made of what state Dallas County is a part of---probably Texas also :D )

EDIT: Or maybe you will like this one better!!

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light
is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

Those are great guys!! :D


I'm dry as a bone in the joke department .... all the ones I have seen and heard recently ... everyone has seen and heard a million times ;)

> > Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
> > Here is a little test that will help you decide.
> > >The answer can be found by posing the following
> > >question:
> > >You're walking down a deserted street with your wife
> > >and two small children.
> > >Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife
> > >comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
> > >screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the
> > >knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock
> > >cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere
> > >seconds before he reaches you and your family. What
> > >do you do?
> > >
> > >............ ....................................................
> > >
> > >Democrat's Answer:
> > >Well, that's not enough information to answer the
> > >question!
> > >Does the man look poor! Or o ppressed?
> > >Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
> > >him to attack?
> > >Could we run away?
> > >What does my wife think?
> > >What about the kids?
> > >Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
> > >the knife out of his hand? What does the law say
> > >about this situation?
> > >Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into
> > >it?
> > >Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
> > >of message does this send to society and to my
> > >children?
> > >Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
> > >Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
> > >content just to wound me?
> > >If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my
> > >family get away while he was stabbing me?
> > >
> > >Should I call 9-1-1?
> > >Why is this street so deserted?
> > >We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and
> > >make this happier, healthier street that would
> > >discourage such behavior.
> > >This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with
> > >some friends for few days and try to come to a
> > >consensus.
> > >
> > >
> > >................................................................
> > >
> > >
> > >Republican's Answer:
> > >BANG!
> > >
> > >.................................................................
> > >
> > >Southerner's Answer: *
> > >BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
> > >BANG! Click.... (Sounds of reloading)
> > >BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
> > >BANG! Click
> > >Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the
> > >Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?
> > >Son: Can I shoot the next one!
> > >Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

LOL, well, apparently I'm a republican.

lmao JP ....... Good one Eddds :D

Everytime I read that joke....it gets funnier....LOL :D

I just read that to my limey pal. He's still laughing.

Course he could be laughing at my accent again.

"It was so hot today that President Bush went to Europe just for the chilly reception."



:D

That's a great one liner.

I think that was a line from either Letterman or Leno... not sure :p