Anyone heard any new jokes lately?

A hunter and his friend were quail hunting near Highway 281 in
Russell , KS early one cold opening morning.

Suddenly, the dogs pointed out a large covey still in their roost.

Moving quickly toward the dogs, he removed the safety from his shotgun.
As he was about to bust the covey, his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing slooooooowly down Hwy 281. :(
The hunter quickly turned on his safety, set the shotgun down, took off his hat, bowed his head and then closed his eyes in prayer.

His friend was stunned.
"Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen you do.
You are indeed the kindest man I have ever known, and I feel lucky to call you a friend."

The hunter shrugged. "Yeah,........ Well......, we were married for 35 years."

:)

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea :o and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.


In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A druNk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get
the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the druNk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter),
and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The DruNk , still staring down replied: "I thimk I just beat the cra* out of a ghost."

That's my favorite Halloween Joke :)

It Was No Accident
AN INSURANCE agent was talking to a farmer, trying to sell him a life insurance policy.

"Have you ever met with an accident?" asked the insurance agent.

"No," replied the farmer, "but a mule kicked me in the ribs once, and a rattlesnake bit me on the leg."

"Good grief!" exclaimed the agent. "Don't you consider those accidents?"

"Naw," said the farmer. "They done it on purpose."

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All in a Day's Work
A FARMER and his hired man were eating breakfast. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer thought that stopping to eat later would be a waste of time. So he told the hired man he should go ahead and eat his lunch, too.

The hired man refilled his plate and ate a second time. Pretty soon, the farmer said, "We've got so much to do, you may as well eat your supper now, too."

The hired man did as he was told, filled his plate a third time and polished it off. Then he pushed back his chair and began to take off his shoes.

"What are you doing?" asked the farmer.

The hired man turned to him and said, "You know I don't work after dinner."

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It's in the Details
OVERHEARD AT a beauty salon:

"I don't have any wrinkles. I just happen to have more details than most."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No Need to Panic
A PLANE loaded with passengers was flying across the country when one of the engines caught on fire.

As the plane started losing altitude, the passengers began screaming.

Just then, the pilot came out of the cockpit wearing a parachute.

"Be calm, folks," the pilot said as he opened the airplane door. "I'm going for help."

I haven't seen or heard your Halloween joke in many years. I think I am just addicted to jokes about drunks and that one probably topped all of them. It does loose some of the "luster" by having to substitute a word here and there.

"They done it on purpose" was pretty funny Train.

Grandmaw:

old is a matter of opinion.

THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Google
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me.

This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been fearless
and learned to use the Computer........

They are the greatest!!!

We do not stop playing because we grow old;
We grow old because we stop playing.

NEVER Be The First To Get Old!

An old Ethnic Carpenter is Applying for a job and must answer Three questions :
Here’s your first question ,the foreman said .. Without using numbers , represent the number 9..
Without numbers ? The ethnic carpenter says .. Dat is easy, and proceeds to draw three trees ..
What’s this the Forman asks ..
Ave you a no brain ? Tree and tree and tree make 9 ..
Fair enough , says the Forman .. Here is your second question ..Use the same rules , But this time the number is 99..
The carpenter stares into space foe a while , then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree ..Ere ya go..
The Forman scratches and says , How on earth do you get that to represent 99 ?
Each of da trees is dirty now ! So it’s dirty tree , and dirty tree and dirty tree .. Dat is a 99 ..
The Forman is worried he is going to to have to hire this guy, so he says , All right .. Last question , Same rules again , But represent the number 100..
The old ethnic carpenter stares into space some more , then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree,and says , ere ya go 100..
The Forman looks at the attempt .. You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred !
The old ethnic carpenter leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says , A littla dog come along and a crap by each tree , So now you got dirty tree and a turd , dirty tree and a turd ,and dirty tree and a turd which a makes one hundred ..
So when a I Start ?

I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Help Hotline.


I was put through to a call center in Pakistan.


I explained that I was feeling suicidal.


They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane...

It's about time, too :)

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/4...sremotemx0.jpg

Now you have started something!! I bought one of those for my wife 37 days ago and have since been hit on the head twice. You see, she didn't like the way I re-arranged some of the buttons.:D

Hmm...okay...

Coming soon! An improved Woman's Remote Control that will blow up if a man tampers with it.

;)

GG, you are like a cabbage ----always a head :) I give in/up or whatever!!!!

My rebuttal: (Just received this---what timing!!)

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear ' the rules'
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

UPS.....
Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but
only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who
fly routinely in our jobs.


After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called
a 'gripe sheet, 'which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has
never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and
be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

ROFL :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by buf

GG, you are like a cabbage ----always a head :) I give in/up or whatever!!!!

---

I can't resist a challenge Buf. :D

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."


Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof!
the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful ba****ds should remember
fairies are female.

:D

AN OLD ONE:
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We
decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a
teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all
different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at
him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke
on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style
he did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk once and had an affair with a
peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

(snicker)

http://img212.imageshack.us/img212/1619/forwomenyr9.jpg

:D

A tough old cowboy from Norris, Montana, counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103. When he died he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great grandchildren, 25 great-great grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man," and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:















"You not Nissan Main Deala?":rolleyes:

An old one??

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers; the woman says, 'So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. :p
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days'.

Flattered, the man replies,
'Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!

But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this!!, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'

Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies,
'No. I think I'll just wait for the police....' :rolleyes:

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil bitc**s.

Don't mess with em.

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... did the Sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Merry Christmas buddy!>

(Rednecks know how to Git-R-Dun)

In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below.

About 3 a.m. , one very cold morning, Montana State Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Great Falls, Montana. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver''s door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.

The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into ''drive'' and hit the gas. The car''s speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but stationary) car.
The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled, "Pull over!"

The man nodded, turned his wheel, and stopped the engine.

Needless to say, the man from North Dakota was arrested, and is probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Montana who could run 50 miles per hour.

Who says troopers don't have a sense of humor?

I love jokes about drunks; jokes mind you--not true stories, especially if it is one that I could see myself taking part in.
This would be a great one for the likes of Tim Conway.

Yeah, jokes about drunks are always good. Remember Otis from The Andy Griffith show? He's one of my favorite drunks, though in real life he said he'd never really been drunk.

When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man's heart beats quicker,
And his throat gets dry,
He goes weak in the knees,
And he begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder why?

Because she smells like a New Truck

:)

Steve_83

Las Vegas Churches


THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS ,
BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.


NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO
CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.


SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE
DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.


THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN
MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF
ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.













THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS! :)





YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?



GOTCHA !! :p

GetaGrrrip, you got a real grrrrroaner on that one. :)

Laughing so hard my belly hurts, and so will the Fellows at Conception Abbey when we do our 08 weekend sabbatical there! :D

Steve_83

A Missouri Tigers fan (one of the few left) is drinking in a Kansas JayHawkers bar when he gets a call on his cell phone.

He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Missouri baby boy weighing 25 pounds. :eek:

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Tigers fan just shrugs and replies,

"That's about average back home, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Missouri baby boy."

"He's gonna be a Missouri Tigers football player."


Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!"

One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar.

The bartender says,
"Say, aren't you the father of that typical Missouri baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth?"
Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.

"So, how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious.
"What happened?
He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" :confused:

The Tigers fan father takes a slow swig of his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,

"Had him circumcised."

GO TIGERS!!! (yeah right) :rolleyes:

The pastor asked if any one in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said,"I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.

She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.

She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctor's say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say.

A man rose and walked to the podium.

He said, "I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, ONCE AGAIN, the word is......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.









STERNUM

The Blonde & the Snow Storm:

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard, she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while, a snowplow went by, and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow, she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite sometime had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right, as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her dad's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard The driver replied that it was OK with him, and she could continue if she wanted...but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot now and was heading over to Kmart next.............
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

REDNECK MARKETING
--------------------------------------

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, if he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.

The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up and again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

The redneck guessed 2 this time, the proprietor said,"Sorry, it was 3, you were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray, it ain't rigged, my wife won twice last week."

From Santa to;
My dear Friends:

As Christmas is tight this year, I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts.

Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree
that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair of my slippers.

Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1) Regular, (2) Light and (3) Get out the sand bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself.

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.

Sorry but the pic did not materialize and so I cannot attach it. Hope your imagination works well.

PS: I didn't touch this posting. I think it was posted in my absence. That's my story and I'm sticking with it;)

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in
front of a huge crowd.

'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so
to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope,
"Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make
every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits
rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually,
the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance,
considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know
that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in
the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary
display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their
hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of
your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped her.

98% OF AMERICANS SAY 'OH SHXX' BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.


THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM OKLAHOMA AND TEXAS AND THEY SAY, 'HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS SHXX.'

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his
girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,
" Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu. "

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon! " said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu.

I love you and it's the perfect time, " Pedro begged.
" But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the
moon. " replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me!!!!! "

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, " OK, one time,
we'll do Weeweechu. "

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
" Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry
Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. "

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!


NOW GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! :p


Steve_83 :D

That is funny Steve and if I recall correctly, Big John was about to censor that joke when I posted it about a year ago. But then he got to the punch line and had his good laugh.