OT 7/16 In need of a laugh

Quote:

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Originally posted by fink
I can't open that zip file... (it says it's only 900k/b)... I think that 2megs is over the limit allowed as an attachment on the forum software.

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Thought so.

It started hanging when i hit submit.

Two Irishmen were seen walking out of a pub one afternoon.

Hey --- it could happen.

Here's a good one for anyone who's into programming:

Evolution of a programmer

I never knew this. So, to you guys, an Irish joke is the equivalent of the U.S.'s Polish joke??

Cheers
Wendy
:rolleyes:

Now, now, lets not let this degenerate into enthnic jokes when there is a much softer target, that being the funny bone.

A little boy was out with his dad at the racetrack, watching as his father ran his hands over a horse. The little boy asked, "Dad, what are you doing?"

The father replied, "I'm interested in buying this horse, so I'm checking it out."

The little boy's eyes became as big as saucers. He blurted out, "Dad, we have to go home right now!"

The father was puzzled and asked, "Why do we have to go home right this minute?"

The boy replied, "Because the postman was at our house yesterday and I think he wants to buy Mom!"

TJOLLY: Confirm or Deny.

;)

Adding to SuperSparks:
Software Development Cycle

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.......

Redneck Computer Lingo



Hard drive
Trying to drive up a steep muddy un-paved hill, with 2 flat tires, while pulling a trailer load of manure.


Keyboard
A place to hang your truck keys.


Window
A place in your truck to hang the rifle.


Bit
A piece used to saddle your favorite mare.


Digital control
What your fingers do to the TV remote.


Floppy
When the little lady ain't wearin a bra.


Modem
What you do to your lawn.


ROM
Your mixer with coke.


Byte
Your first word in the kiss-off phrase.


Reboot
When your first pair gets covered with manure.


Network
The secret organization used to transport your moonshine.


Mouse
The fuzzy little creatures that you share your trailer with.


LAN
The little piece your double wide sits on.


Cursor
What most neighbors do to your wife, girlfriend or both of them.

We've all heard the dump blonde jokes. But what do you call a smart blonde?
>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>

>>An Irish Setter. :)

Quote:

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Originally posted by Leurgy
Now, now, lets not let this degenerate into enthnic jokes when there is a much softer target, that being the funny bone.

A little boy was out with his dad at the racetrack, watching as his father ran his hands over a horse. The little boy asked, "Dad, what are you doing?"

The father replied, "I'm interested in buying this horse, so I'm checking it out."

The little boy's eyes became as big as saucers. He blurted out, "Dad, we have to go home right now!"

The father was puzzled and asked, "Why do we have to go home right this minute?"

The boy replied, "Because the postman was at our house yesterday and I think he wants to buy Mom!"

TJOLLY: Confirm or Deny.

;)

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Sorry. Confirm or deny what?

Quote:

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Originally posted by user595212
I never knew this. So, to you guys, an Irish joke is the equivalent of the U.S.'s Polish joke??

Cheers
Wendy
:rolleyes:

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Yup, thats right. I was quite a confused little boy when I moved from the US to England. I had no idea why they were making fun of the Irish and they had no idea why I was making fun of the Polish?!

When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.

One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.

"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"

"Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces."

"Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates.

"No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the Captain of The
Titanic."

Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter. Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better?!"

"Because, we use Windows." replied Peter.

"And?!" Bill Gates prompted.

"Well, according to our records," St. Peter answered, "The Titanic
only crashed ONCE."

Donald Rumsfeld died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks . Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Rumsfeld, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said Rumsfeld. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked Rumsfeld.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

A Blonde Moment:-

Blonde in a shop:-

Blonde "that's nice - what is it?"

Assistant "it's a thermos"

Blonde "what's it for?"

Assistant "it keeps hot things, hot and cold things cold"

Blonde "that's a great idea - I'll have one of them"

The following day she is walking through town when she meets a friend.

Friend "what't that?"

Blonde "it's a thermos"

Friend "what's it for?"

Blonde "it keeps hot things, hot and cold things cold"

Friend "what you got in it?"

Blonde " 2 cups of coffee and a choc ice!"

Har Har Tjolly. :D

A man was roaming in a little town in Mexico. He walks up to a Mexican man with a donkey and asks what the time is. The Mexican takes his hand and sticks it under the donkeys balls and moves his hands around. The Mexican says its 3:30. Stunned, the man asks how he could tell time by playing with the donkey's balls. The Mexican replies, you lift them up like this and look at the clock over there.

There once was three people, an Italian, a Frenchman, and a newfie. they were construction people and were working on a building 80m high. They always had lunch on top of the building. So the Italian opens up his lunch and gets a tuna sandwich. He says, " Oh I hate tuna sandwiches, If I get a tuna sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building" Then the French opens up his lunch and gets a bologna sandwich. He says "If I get a bologna sandwich again, i'm going to jump off this building" Then the newfie opens up his lunch and gets a ham sandwich. He says " If I gets another ham sandwich, I'm wit you two." So the next day, the Italia gets a tuna sandwich and jumps off the building. The French gets a bologna sandwich and the newfie gets a ham sandwich and they both jump off the building. Later on, at there funeral the French and Italians wife's were
crying and say" If they didn't like that kind of sandwich, they could have told us, but the Newfies wife wasn't crying, she was laughing . The Italian and French's wife ask the Newfies wife why she isn't sad at all. She says, "why, he makes his own