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Thats cute!! :D
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https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im...2006/09/25.gif
Thats cute!! :D
GOOD LESSONS IN LIFE.............READ AND TAKE NOTE!
Corporate Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says: "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks: "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!", the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.:D :D
too funny SW :D
The Office Diet
How to Lose Weight Without Exercise:
Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number
of calories per hour they consume.
Beating around the bush...................... 75
Jumping to conclusions...................... 100
Climbing the walls...................... 150
Swallowing your pride...................... 50
Passing the buck...................... 25
Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight)...................... 50-300
Dragging your heels ...................... 100
Pushing your luck ............................250
Making mountains out of molehills.......................... 500
Hitting the nail on the head .........................50
Wading through paperwork .........................300
Bending over backwards ........................75
Jumping on the bandwagon...................... 200
Balancing the books ......................25
Running around in circles...................... 350
Eating crow .......................225
Tooting your own horn ......................25
Climbing the ladder of success ...........................750
Pulling out the stops .........................75
Adding fuel to the fire .........................160
Wrapping it up at the day's end .......................12
To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:
Opening a can of worms .............................50
Putting your foot in your mouth......................... 300
Starting the ball rolling .......................90
Going over the edge ...............................25
Picking up the pieces after............................ 350
Counting eggs before they hatch....................... 6
Calling it quits............................ 2
I have an easier approach, get fatter friends.
lmaooooo ..... that should work too :D
Well I'm on LI. My cable went out again. 3rd time so far this yr. One outage lasted 10 days.
that's a real bummer... :( ....got any rabbit ears?... :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by JPnyc
Thats stinks JP :(
I hope it comes back soon
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
:D
:D Now that sounds like 4 new boyfriends :rolleyes:
Ok fella's....... sumit your resumes to [email protected]
:D :D
Thanks but I gotta pass. Been there--done that and STAYED. I love (d) it that much. Hope you can benefit by posting a couple of those "anticipated" resumes you may get. You don't yet know this crowd you have become so immersed in. :D ;)
lmaoooooo buf :D You are too funny ;)
Subject: The True Story of Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf
crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf!"
The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood
sees the wolf again and this time he is
crouched behind a bush.
"My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf!"
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the road Little
Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind
a rock.
"My, what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf!"
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off? I'm trying
to poop!"
And now comes this one I just received.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the sake of her own life,
couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
(Did you notice that no mention is made of what state Dallas County is a part of---probably Texas also :D )
EDIT: Or maybe you will like this one better!!
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light
is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
Those are great guys!! :D
I'm dry as a bone in the joke department .... all the ones I have seen and heard recently ... everyone has seen and heard a million times ;)
> > Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
> > Here is a little test that will help you decide.
> > >The answer can be found by posing the following
> > >question:
> > >You're walking down a deserted street with your wife
> > >and two small children.
> > >Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife
> > >comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
> > >screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the
> > >knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock
> > >cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere
> > >seconds before he reaches you and your family. What
> > >do you do?
> > >
> > >............ ....................................................
> > >
> > >Democrat's Answer:
> > >Well, that's not enough information to answer the
> > >question!
> > >Does the man look poor! Or o ppressed?
> > >Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
> > >him to attack?
> > >Could we run away?
> > >What does my wife think?
> > >What about the kids?
> > >Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
> > >the knife out of his hand? What does the law say
> > >about this situation?
> > >Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into
> > >it?
> > >Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
> > >of message does this send to society and to my
> > >children?
> > >Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
> > >Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
> > >content just to wound me?
> > >If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my
> > >family get away while he was stabbing me?
> > >
> > >Should I call 9-1-1?
> > >Why is this street so deserted?
> > >We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and
> > >make this happier, healthier street that would
> > >discourage such behavior.
> > >This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with
> > >some friends for few days and try to come to a
> > >consensus.
> > >
> > >
> > >................................................................
> > >
> > >
> > >Republican's Answer:
> > >BANG!
> > >
> > >.................................................................
> > >
> > >Southerner's Answer: *
> > >BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
> > >BANG! Click.... (Sounds of reloading)
> > >BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
> > >BANG! Click
> > >Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the
> > >Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?
> > >Son: Can I shoot the next one!
> > >Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!
LOL, well, apparently I'm a republican.
lmao JP ....... Good one Eddds :D
Everytime I read that joke....it gets funnier....LOL :D
I just read that to my limey pal. He's still laughing.
Course he could be laughing at my accent again.
"It was so hot today that President Bush went to Europe just for the chilly reception."
:D
That's a great one liner.
I think that was a line from either Letterman or Leno... not sure :p
JP.... is your cable back?
CB...I heard it on Leno.
Yeah, I called from here and had them ping my modem. It's back so I'll be back home to work weds. morning.
:cool:
Found this, looks like Bush did a bit too much at the party the night before:eek: Check it out. SW
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kREJP8nZJJQ
This what happened when Grandma skydived for the first time. :D BJ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlIj5O9iI9Y
lmaoooooo Sidewinder!! That is too damn funny!! https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im.../2007/02/2.gif
JOHN!! Great find .... I am still laughing at that one! I bet she wishes she used the extra strength polident now https://discussions.virtualdr.com/im.../2006/07/7.gif :D
David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....
#10...A below par performance
is considered damn good.
#9...You can stop in the middle
and have a cheeseburger
and a couple of beers.
#8...It's much easier to
find the sweet spot.
#7...Foursomes are encouraged.
#6...You can still make money
doing it as a senior.
#5...Three times a day is possible.
#4...Your partner doesn't hire
a lawyer if you play
with someone else.
#3...If you live in Florida, you
can do it almost everyday.
#2...You don't have to cuddle
with your partner when
you're finished.
And the number one reason why
Golf is better than sex.....
#1...If your equipment gets old
and rusty, you can replace it!
LOL :D
...of course number one is my fave...:rolleyes:
TX buf.
lmaooooooo buf! :D I love Letterman's Top Ten!!
Here is my fav:
Top Ten Signs Your Spouse Is Having An Affair By Computer
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked
9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk dive
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up
6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand
5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software"
4. Lipstick on the mouse
3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"
2. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of panties
1. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass
:D
And for the Holiday............
Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Fireworks Display
10. What you call a fireworks display, the police call arson
9. Best part was when the bug zapper fell in the pool
8. Only celebrity they could get is the Geico lizard
7. Al Gore shuts it down because of atmosphere-warming sulfure emissions
6. It starts at noon
5. It's just a couple of guys yelling, "Ka-Boom!"
4. Finale of show: A stick of dynamite blows up your car
3. Fireworks form a colorful image of CNN personality Larry King
2. You're handed a program and a business card of several peronal injury attorneys
1. When you complain that it's over after an underwhelming two minutes, your wife says, "Tell me about it"
:D
Just another reminder please people before the line is crossed :).Quote:
Originally Posted by fink
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a
mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side
door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know - I already
got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Albany, New York!
_______________________________________________________
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being
hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good
place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS.
A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football
game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next
to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his
generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,"
the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The
young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space
travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We
have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with
light-speed
processing....and," pausing to take another drink of beer......
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and
said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were
young........so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little ****head,
what are you doing for the next generation?"
:)
One of the best, if not the best, responses that I have ever read. Gotta another laugh after reading it so many times before. Guess this is the mind set of many of the much younger generation. :D :D
too funny buf :D