Call it the mid-summer blues or the anticipation of a well earned vacation that is a week away and seems like light years from now I need a good belly laugh. So come on lets have some fun this weekend.
Printable View
Call it the mid-summer blues or the anticipation of a well earned vacation that is a week away and seems like light years from now I need a good belly laugh. So come on lets have some fun this weekend.
A read of the Dilbert Newsletter always brightens my week:
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilber...sletter56.html
This site that gets even with online scammers is worth a look for a laff... This episode in particular really got me laughing..
http://www.419eater.com/html/kadijat_jubril.htm
LOL Guys LOL !
Time to get my coupons added together, to get some free fish and bread for my picture session. :D
Here's a brand new scam they just put up a couple of weeks ago(and it's still ongoing)...
http://www.419eater.com/html/joe_eboh.htm
It's a long read (4 pages) but worth it. Hilarious!
True bravery is arriving home late after a guy's night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
Today’s Stock Market Report
Helium was up; feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Other outside/inside trading events:
Martha gets 5 months.
Broker gets same.
Doesn't take much to get Iraq off center stage.
And how was your day!
Nick:cool:
Sorry about 2 in a row but I was looking for laughs today also and ran across this pretty neat one I haven't seen before:
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!!!)
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
EVANGELIST:
When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters: THAT ***** SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
And for the grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA
When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using each letter only once): TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as a lover.
The first woman says "My Husband works as a marriage counsellor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."
The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."
The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
Bin Laden Contacts Bush:
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive",
Osama himself decided to send George Bush a message in his own handwriting
to let him know that he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled,so he typed it out and e-mailed it to Colin Powell.
Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it, so it was sent to the NSA,MIT,the NASA and the Secret Service.No one had a clue.
Eventually they sent it to the brilliant Techs at Virtual Doc for help.
They e-mailed the White House within minutes:
"Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."
------------------------------------------
The Bush Campaign Song ;)
If George Only Had A Brain
http://www.billjacobs.us/igohab_01.html
Whatever became of the MACH2 Show?? Hi Monster!!! I still need an antenna. :D :D
As they approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard:
PILOT - Bjeesus will ya look how ******* shart dat runway is?
CO-PILOT - Yer nat ******* kiddin, Paddy
PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus !
CO-PILOT - Yer nat ******* kiddin, Paddy !!
PILOT - Right, Shamus, when I say 'go' put de engine in reverse !!
CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat !!
PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down !!
CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat, too !!
PILOT - An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy Mudder a Gad !!!
CO-PILOT - I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I can.
So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed, and there was smoke everywhere. But, to the relief of all the passengers, and, not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to stop but a few meters from the end of the runway!!!
As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure, Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, "Dat has gat ta be de shartist ******* runway in de world!"
Shamus replied, "Yes, but da ya see how ******* wide it is?"
I think someone changed the names and location to protect the guilty. :DQuote:
Originally posted by TJolly
As they approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard:
PILOT - Bjeesus will ya look how ******* shart dat runway is?
CO-PILOT - Yer nat ******* kiddin, Paddy
PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus !
CO-PILOT - Yer nat ******* kiddin, Paddy !!
PILOT - Right, Shamus, when I say 'go' put de engine in reverse !!
CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat !!
PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down !!
CO-PILOT - Royt, I'll do dat, too !!
PILOT - An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy Mudder a Gad !!!
CO-PILOT - I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I can.
So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy Mother with all his soul. The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed, and there was smoke everywhere. But, to the relief of all the passengers, and, not least of all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to stop but a few meters from the end of the runway!!!
As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure, Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, "Dat has gat ta be de shartist ******* runway in de world!"
Shamus replied, "Yes, but da ya see how ******* wide it is?"
I don't know how funny this quote is, but I just ran across it and thought I'd share.
http://home.ripway.com/2003-7/16532/...CareyQuote.jpg
Here is the best defence against car crime.
---Zipped video, 2MB---
I can't open that zip file... (it says it's only 900k/b)... I think that 2megs is over the limit allowed as an attachment on the forum software.